My dear friend Maggie’s mother sent me this TED talk as advice for marriage, and I really felt that I needed to share. It seems I’m a bit late in my discovery, since this is apparently one of the most popular TED talks of all time. Still, even if you’ve seen it, I highly recommend a re-watch.
Brown’s message speaks powerfully to me. Five years ago, I was a very different person. Some mornings I woke and felt like I’d been flayed alive. I ran frantic through the world, trying my hardest not to bump into anything or anyone, lest I feel the searing agony of my exposed flesh. Other days, I woke leaden. All the sadness and shame weighed me down, and I could not get out of bed. My pupils felt over-dilated, so that the light burned my eyes, and all shapes grew shadowy and distorted. I built a wall of artifice around myself, so that no one could ever get too close, and inside my bunker I found all kinds of ways to numb that feeling of unworthiness, as Brown calls it. Until one day, without really meaning to, I let someone see me. Really and truly see all of me. And he decided to love me anyway.
I wish I could say that that was that, but I still had a long way to go. No one but you can make you better. But his love made it possible. Because allowing someone else to see me finally let me see myself. And to my great surprise, being vulnerable was strangely empowering. Being wholehearted and authentic is extremely satisfying. Even so, I’ve had this post sitting on my computer for over a week. I wasn’t so sure about being this open on the internet, where everyone can see. But being open is kind of addictive, so I’m going for it. I dare you to give it a try, as well.
I apologize for all the touchy-feely crap on the blog lately. Back to shiny baubles soon, I swear!